I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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