I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
