someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize