Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
