Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
