you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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