I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
