we have officially lost it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
