No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
