The maid of honor just puked.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
