This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
