that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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