I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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