My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
