Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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