Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize