me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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