My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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