I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
