i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
