you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
