I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
