"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
