Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I AM VODKA MAN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
