They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
