I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
