Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
