i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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