I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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