but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
