Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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