Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
