theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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