Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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