hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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