Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
