do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
