I think my vagina is haunted
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
bring money and cleavage
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
