I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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