I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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