Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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