Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
