I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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