I feel like abortions should bother me more
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
