i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
