you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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