You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
