I accidentally had phone sex last night
My liver just broke up with me...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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