hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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