Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
