I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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