I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
