Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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