Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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