im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
