i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
