I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
