but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize