I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm passing your future prison.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
