What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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