New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
