also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
