She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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