Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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