Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
