His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
