For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
