Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
