My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
