We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
