You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
