His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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