Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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