In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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