They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
