there was a trapeze. enough said
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
