Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
