Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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