you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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