The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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