I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
