I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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