We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
