we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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