You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
