its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
