thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
