Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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