the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
