he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
