You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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