btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
