She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
