Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
