as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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