Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
