then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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