I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
