Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
