I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
